Oh man oh man. Last night my best friend had her heart STOMPED upon by a guy, and now, things are in shambles. I loved real real hard once, and things ended in shambles. i was in pieces. fragments. whether or not it was really love, at the time i was conviced and i lost alot when i lost it. there were people everywhere trying to put me back together, myslef and the person included. it was a good ending, we are still friends. But still for years...i was still tring. i was still hoping in minisucle hopes locked away that someday, maybe someday, if i was kinder, if i was prettier, if i was braver.....

STOP IT!

about a year ago i face planted! Minutes, days, months, for crying out loud years had gone by where all i had spent an infinate amount of time trying to live a life out that would invite this boy along! STOP IT! For so long i had convinced myself that there was something wrong with me, that i wasnt enough for him, that i had to change when really, i had been ignoring all the reasons i was great, all the things that make me beautiful, courageous, strong and bold. RADIANT! I had also been ignoring the fact that in no way was this person the one for me. Great friends, of course. but not for me. and me. not for him.

This summer and year i have been set free. i am sad that i waited. i sat still. i was silent. i never fought for myself. I am so sorry to myself for taht. but i am back. i have learnt lessons. i have fought battles. i have creid an infinate amount of tears. but i am back, stronger and wiser, (yet still nothing, and still with much to learn).

My advice, and constant pet peeve, is that girls cannot bank everything they are on guys. We are all humans, and we have this uncanny ability to hurt one another. Love is a beautiful thing of course, but you can just wait to live life until your wish for love is fulfilled. you need to live now. find out what your dreams are, your goals are, you hopes, and chase after them. Right now you have the amazing ability to TRAVEL LIGHTLY. you, theoretically, only have to worry about yourself. and so you can live your LIFE. TIME IS RUNNING! and you dont want to miss it.

Someday i am thinking i will be married, i will have incredible children and a nice big yard on a dirt road that takes in the sunshine and turns it to magic...but how much better that will all be if it is just another dream added to the many already fulfilled. if i travel africa, go to cuba, go to graduate school, if i see france, work in orphanges, and DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE.

And that is why i give cudos to JoJo. "It's just a little too late, a little too wrong, and i cant wait!! Its just a little too late."

I am woman, hear me roar! I got a life to live. getting off this stupis internet and biking till my knees are soar!

Love you all. Sorry if this post was akward for anyone *cough* the boy* cough* but its all a part of my story, and i am using it to scare and encourage the locals!

I am done playing small...


(although i am fully aware that to be anything else only comes with God's blessing and tender love.)

Em.