I have to say that following Jesus is and is not for the faint of heart...its alot of work. Now i say this, because, imagining Tanzania would be an easy implementation into my life, has slowly disintegrated as things are looking more and more challenging. So now, i simpy continue to pray, and ask for prayer, for each and every aspect of this trip.

Now i say it is for the faint of heart, becuase lately i dont believe my heart could be any weaker. So often i want all the good things of this world, and i want them right now! and my heart has gotten attached, to things in this world, to things i know i must give up, to things i often replace God's role in my life with. It is just so much easier to run to friends, and family, with a quick phone call, or a short email, then it is to seek comfort at the foot of a God i cant see, but can only sense is there. Believe me, i know you are there. But its hard to cling to nothing visible or tangible in worldy terms, so that all i can say is, even if it is all taken away, i have the Lord. I understand why Christians can seem as fools to the world! But in reality, that silence i think in, those pitiful prayers i mutter, those bold words i believe, are so much more then this world could amount to...

The other night before bed, i was thinking, at the end of my life, someday, hopefully not to soon, how will i measure sucess.... even if i become sometihng great to this world, if i marry the most beautiful man alive, our marriage worship in itself, raise justice seeking children...right now, in this moment, the one thing i want to know i followed through on is this faith. This yurking inside me which leads me to seek out love for others more then myself, understanding for others more then i can gain for me, and that seeks to walk with a Jesus, that knows me more then i know myslef....

Even if i finish last...

Melissa.