I fear i have become an ice queen of the coldest persuasion. I have now met an incredible young man who blows me away with every interaction. He is pretty incredible. He writes the most beautiful music, has the softest most wonderful voice, he is kind and gentle....and i dont have to mention, for those who have seen him, so stinkin HOT hahah (but honestly i am more afriad of him becuase of that so its not necessarily a good thing).
I am quite quickly getting a little crazy about this gentle man, but i have constructed, year by year, the most fortified of shelters with which i hide, me and all my self inside, huddled under the kitchen table, wearing tinfoil hats and swearing. I am terrified. I honestly think i am crazy. I talk to people all the time about how incredible they are, how they need to believe in their beauty and stregnth....all that stuff. But i have little belief in myself.
Here's what i do.
To avoid a boy having to worry that i like him (since thats been beat into my head over the years) i start things off by telling them i just want to be friends, so that they dont have to worry. You know like, dont worry there wont bve any akward conversations coming, you can automatically slot me into girl best friend. i am willing to take the spot.
Then i convince them thats all i want. i convice myself. we move on, and i hvae a new good friend (hence the army of guy friends i have acquired over the years)
but this time its not working.
He is hinting. He is trying.
But he thinks i just want to be friends.
Now how do i undue the damage i have done. i cant say anything becuase if i get rejected i might just give up on men altogehter haha. but seriously. i am terrified. I think i have convinced i will only ever see him as a friend, but thats not true at all.
oh man.
my heart heard his song before i had time to hush it.
now what?
any advice for your sista would be wonderful..
doomed to be running her whole existence away. lol
OH YEAH AND I GOT INTO GHANA!!!!! GOING TO AFRICA!!!!! DREAMS COMING TRUE. BRING IT BABY!
honestly this has been the best year ever.
i know one more thing that could make it better, if i wasnt such a wussy.
lol.
em.
posted by sometimes i write better than i speak, my friends @ 3:40 p.m.
3 Comments:
you're not a wuss.. honestly you're one of the bravest girls i know, you just need to take it man, you might get rejected, its a fact of life, but any boy that rejects you is making a hge mistake and will probalby regret it later on, and then you can reject them haha.. ohhh boy. but really, you're beautiful, with a beautiful heart and beautiful mind, you're the real deal... you got it all! all for a few easy payments of flowers and i love yous, and you're set.... but don't feel like you have to just give yourself away, you're incredible. be fearless, be free be who you were created to be. be eve. and i need to go now.. talk to you later.
love you.
Cait
there are alot of problems with flower agriculture. they'd better be organic, wildflowers lol.
and in follow up, said boy and i talked about it, things are great now. lol i put balls to the walls and just asked. what a thought eh? things are wonderful!!!!!!
em.
there are alot of problems with flower agriculture. they'd better be organic, wildflowers lol.
and in follow up, said boy and i talked about it, things are great now. lol i put balls to the walls and just asked. what a thought eh? things are wonderful!!!!!!
em.
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