hmmm....

i really appreciate the ear my friend. and the mouth for talking.

good talks are pricless, talks where you are simply being yourself. tonight i found that this occurs best with me when i am tired, stressed..when i have nothing left to offer you then my sleepy, stumbly, whispery-self.

When i have the energy i can mask the insecurities, the akwardness i am feeling. i can sit in certain ways, which i preconcive before each slight of movement. i can look you in the eye with strength and power and determination, to prove to you that i am fine, that all is well and that i am the most interesting person you have ever met.

when i am exhuasted. i am just. just. I am resting in you, the strength of a friend who cares, who adores the weakness of the one before you, who sees the beauty in it.

I think we all have identies which we construct, to be safe in periferial visions and intimidating situations, and even, in hopes to make those around us feel content, to have us figured out and that is all.

i have never believed so much that the only constant i know is change. and i even hate using the word change becuase it seems to imply such a huge revolution of self, of stance, of standing. I am not sure how much i have changed, but rather i think i have grown alot.

I am constantly being challenged to be more and more content with 'the now' this moment, and second. Not lying dormantly in waiting for the future, when things will be better, when i have everything figured out. but also, not dwelling on the past, when things were different, when i was solid or when i was ashamed.

I am soo sad to be leacing ptbo, because many have watched my blooming this year and it has simply been organic, natural, peaceful. but i will be glad to be home to see where these dusty trails have taken my loves, my friends, my companions.

Goodnight dear pals and do your best to live today.


really. however you believe in living it.