i am gonna try to start writing every monday, it will be my own personal journalistic adventure, and for those of you who read it, an expose on all the silly, serious and just plain stupendous, things i do all week haha

So this monday,

i have been speaking to one of the most fantastic girls i know, after reading a particularily intrgiuing article in O magazine (i was at work haha) and apparently, there are only 7 percent of ALL WOMEN IN NORTH AMERICA who have never found something wrong with themselves they want to change, body, attitude, weaknesses. Apparently, when asked, women said it was just natural for every woman to feel inadeqaute, like she is not enough, and to compare herself and compete with others, like in a giant beauty competition. This relates to said girl, becuase she, like i many days, does not believe in her own beauty and strength. I, taking a page from fanon, believe that as young girls, if a girl is told she is beautiful, always, she will grow up confident, proud, possibly vain, but who isnt, but she is still unhappy, for she fears this is all she is.

for the girl who is told she is ugly, not pretty, one of the guys, fat, butch, stupid, etc etc etc, she internalizes this in the same manner as the prettiest girl in the room. Most days, i think i am not pretty. And i am not fishing for compliments, i just want to write to those out there, who understand where i am coming from. I, most days, feel to big, to chubby, to strong, not girly, but cloddy, not feminine, but strong... and there are too many things to count that i want to change.

but what about the good? the great? the outstanding? What about beating down those 5th grade lies we have been believing since the sandbox? They ARE LIES!!!! Beauty is such a concept. Its so interpretive and so subjective. Not to mention, that i have yet to meet a woman who is NOT beautiful in some way or another, even those who by societies standards are ugly, disabled, shunned...

How can we spend most of our lives disliking the body God has given us, the features, the characteristics, what kind of existence is that? Not to mention the vanity, the self-obsession, the critical self hatred, why not think of others, serve others, and simply be yourself. There are many who love you, not only becuase you are beauty, TO THE GIRL I AM WRITING THIS TO, YOU ARE FRICKIN GORGOEOUS, and reva, you are STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL!!! , but those who love you do, because you are worthy of love, and appreciation.

because you are radiant.

Ladies i know this is a challeging thing to try to grasp, taht this world is soo counter all i am saying, and right this very second, is probably attempting to crush your hopeful thoughts, but i suggest we kick and scream at this world, until it bleeds out light, and hope and beauty.

We dont settle in so many ways, why settle your beauty in mediocrity.

be humble and you will shine.


I am going to a party this week with the boys who are the causes of my insecurites, more on that next monday!

this is a show i played at the Red dog! it was a fundrasier and i tried to totally june carter cash it up with the boys!