I have to say that following Jesus is and is not for the faint of heart...its alot of work. Now i say this, because, imagining Tanzania would be an easy implementation into my life, has slowly disintegrated as things are looking more and more challenging. So now, i simpy continue to pray, and ask for prayer, for each and every aspect of this trip.

Now i say it is for the faint of heart, becuase lately i dont believe my heart could be any weaker. So often i want all the good things of this world, and i want them right now! and my heart has gotten attached, to things in this world, to things i know i must give up, to things i often replace God's role in my life with. It is just so much easier to run to friends, and family, with a quick phone call, or a short email, then it is to seek comfort at the foot of a God i cant see, but can only sense is there. Believe me, i know you are there. But its hard to cling to nothing visible or tangible in worldy terms, so that all i can say is, even if it is all taken away, i have the Lord. I understand why Christians can seem as fools to the world! But in reality, that silence i think in, those pitiful prayers i mutter, those bold words i believe, are so much more then this world could amount to...

The other night before bed, i was thinking, at the end of my life, someday, hopefully not to soon, how will i measure sucess.... even if i become sometihng great to this world, if i marry the most beautiful man alive, our marriage worship in itself, raise justice seeking children...right now, in this moment, the one thing i want to know i followed through on is this faith. This yurking inside me which leads me to seek out love for others more then myself, understanding for others more then i can gain for me, and that seeks to walk with a Jesus, that knows me more then i know myslef....

Even if i finish last...

Melissa.

Today.

"We ought every day to renew our resolution and to rouse ourselves to fervor, as if it were the first day of our conversion, saying 'Help me, Lord God, in my good resolve and in thy holy service and give me grace this very day really and truly to begin, for what i hvae done till now is nothing.....We all long for heaven where God is, but we have it in our power to be in heaven with Him right now, to be happy with Him now menas lving like He loves, helping like He helps, giving as He gives, serving as He serves, rescuing as He rescues, being with hin 24 hours a day, touching Him in His distressing disguise.

Jesus is going to do great things with you if you let Him, and if you dont try to interfere with Him. We interfere with God's plans when we push in someone or something else not suitable for us. Be strict with yourself, and with what you are recieving from the outside. People may come with wonderful ideas, with beautiful things, but anything that takes you away from the reality of what you have given to God must remain outside.

No need for us to despair. No need for us to be discouraged. No need, if we have understood the tenderness of God's love.

One thing Jesus asks me; that i lean on Him; that in Him and only in Him I put complete trust; that I surrender myself to Him unreservedly. Even when all goes wrong and I feel as if I am a ship without a compass, i must give myself completely to Him. I must not attempt to control God's actions, i must not count the stages in the journey He would have me make. I must not desire a clear perception of my advance upon the road, must now know precisley where i am upon the way...

The simplicity of our life of contemplation makes us see the face of God in everything, everyone, and everywhere, all the time"

-Mother Teresa



tough. but i am willing to work on it. I read this today as i was at the gym. and it hit me, kinda hard...Its certainly something to think about, this is an everyday thing-trusting, leaning, and giving yourself to Him everyday. Lord, help me.