A good idea...


Jesus said to the religious Jewish leaders, “I can't do a solitary thing on my own: I listen, then I decide. You can trust my decision because I'm not out to get my own way but only to carry out orders. 31If I were simply speaking on my own account, it would be an empty, self-serving witness. 32But an independent witness confirms me, the most reliable Witness of all.

Jesus didnt do a thing on His own. He knew that if He did it was too likely to have himself written all over it. I am starting to learn how important it is to be present in this way. Present in right now. Praying about right now, and throughout each day. It is fine to have passions and hearts that burn for the future, but the fire cannot consume. There is joy in these moments that you are having right now. There are lessons in the moments you having right now...and also, God has a need for you in the moments you are having right now. Jesus made now action without the Fathers approval, right now, God wants me in school, necxt year i think He wants me in Tanzania...I need to start considering Him in my actions, cause then, i will be living more for Him than for myself.


I like these lines too...
36But the witness that really confirms me far exceeds John's witness. It's the work the Father gave me to complete. These very tasks, as I go about completing them, confirm that the Father, in fact, sent me. 37The Father who sent me, confirmed me.

We can live as examples, and our examples will spread truth and reality to people.

I ranted about sex the other day, and body image, because they frsutrate me, because i struggle with them, because sometimes i fear them...but i dont give in to those fears, because i have an image, in Christ, and to him i am wonderful....which also allows me to be humble, and safe in him. i want to live as an example of self-respect, of knowing myself in Christ, and as someone who is content in the love their Father has for them....i hope my actions will confirm that God is good.

God help me in these things.

People dont take things seriously anymore....


I was just in the washroom, and some girls were calling me to join into the conversation about our contempt for the conservatives. True, i am always ready to jump into a rant about the conservatives, but one of their reasons was that they could no longer have abortions...

I hate abortions. I know they are wrong.

Cait and I are now talking about this, and reaffriming our thoughts of how wrong the image of sex in our society has become. We are starting to verge of Sodom. Sex is not taken seriously. You dont need to be mature to have it. You dont have to be committed to have it. You can have it outside and inside marriage (freakin swing clubs), and what's worse, the consequences dont matter either. There is a huge rise in STDS and in abortions, but still, we are told to search for love, validation, and a social status through sex.

It is no wonder we have sexual devients and people who do terrible perversions to the innocence. We no longer guard ourselves against the tmeptations of lust and sin is rampant...

The other day, a friend told me that her boyfriend who she loved dearly, saw a tiny, hot girl, and actually said to her " i wish you lokoed like that" I actually take pity with him. With all boys. They are being so attacked by images of sexual leudity that the things that truly make a girl beautiful in all aspects of the word, are being sacrificed to satisfy an ideal. They are attack on the basis of a important need of theirs 'to suceed' 'to be good at what they are doing.' The image that is being sold is that you need to have a girl like this, brittany, christina, etc, if you are going to look good, if you are going to be enough..





but love is soo much more than that.


This has had incredibly terrible consequences of the thoughts of girls and women. no longer is there a chase for their hearts. Many are just throwing themselves as any guy taht will take them, as if it is a great race between all girls just to get someone. Many girls are doing themselves soo much harm to fill the image they think will get the guys....

true realtionships and love between two people is being attacked from all angles. God help us to hold on to truth in this sea of lies. To withstand the harsh winds that beat on us, as we push on.

God be with us.

So Tanzania...


So i am thinking of runnind away, but in a new way. In a way that will not leave me tired, weary, and short of breath. The year For God programme will be just that, a year concentrated on my Father, and on serving others (the best way to get your mind off of your own selfishness). I will be hearing lectures on topics in which i can search for wisdom, and truth, and for me to learn, to really base my faith on. Then, i can do relief and development work, live in community, get out of this consumer culture, this impersonal day to day, and seek uncluttered, undistracted joy. I am stoked. As of now, i have little doubt that this is what i should do, but i have been praying continually that God would protect this path from darkness, and doubt, a much as possible, so that i can step out in faith, and stay encouraged.

I really want to do this. I really think it is exactly what i need right now. I want to get out. I want to focus on God, to rely on Him in a place somewhat seperated from the comforts that keep my faith in such a comfortable place.

i am anxious. I want to go now. But it's not for a while. So i will chill out.

Your prayers would be great friends!

melis.

All My Prophets-Waxwing.


All of my prophets were singers of sad songs,
So it’ no wonder that I’ve been the victim of,
All of my prophets were singers of sad songs,
So it’s no wonder that I’ve been the victim of
A wavering faith
A wavering faith, call me weak if you like
My body gets tired
Of it’s internal driver
Relentless unsatisfied and wired
Look at were you’re coming from

All she’s been through and all you’ve done
Stop beating on the ones you love
I am the Instrument you’ve all Awaited
Humble I’ve been humiliated
I’ve seen things you’ll never see
I know what you want to be
So listen if answers you seek
Turn your eyes inside out
Come to expect all you’ve doubted
Everything’s laid out for you,
nothing need be told you
You will know the truth



I have to stop doubting your incredible power and love...
It's all up to You.
for You...

SO GOD HAS TO THWART HER. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue...

God and i are growing closer and closer everyday. I am starting to take time out daily for our time. something that breathes fresh air into my soul, and allows me to run as fast as i need to.

I am pressing into something big here. I dont even think i know the half of it yet!

Melis.

often sorrow is just an opportunity to challenge your soul.

God wants us to drwan near to him, and so we are challenge constantly in our faith. Do you need a test to see how your realtonship with jesus fairs? then just look at how you handle suffering and sorrow. Do you run to jesus? Do you sit in silence? Do you do the things you know can bring you answers and clarity and peace?

I dont. but that is my report card. I am learning what i need to do.

so God had to thwart her...

"Why did God curse Eve with loneliness and heartache, an emptiness that nothing would be able to fill?....He did it to save her!!For as we all know personally, something in Eve's heart shifted at the Fall. Something sent its roots down deep into her soul-and ours- that mistrust of God's heart, that resolution to find life on our own terms. SO GOD HAS TO THWART HER. In love, he has to block her attempts until, wounded and aching, she turns to him and him alone for her rescue.
Jesus has to twart us too- thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue......Wherever it is we have sought life apart from him, he disrupts our plans, our "way of life" which is not life at all." Captivating.

I've had bad luck with fathers. I have one, who left, who doesnt call, who doesnt try, and one, who sadly, doesnt know how to love. He may, but he cant show it. what this has done to me, i have tried to ignore. I have thrown my life into school work, high grades, high opinons, a respectable life. I have thrown myself into studying, and trying to always be there best, even if the race is only against myself. I often dislike the way i look, despite the great amount that i do like. I often fight too many battles, unfortunately, maybe, for attention.... maybe this is for attention. I dont think so. At least i hope not.

There is alot in me that is guarded. I ahve protectionsist measures, to ensure that my life is guarded, that i am stable, and secure.




but they dont really work.



I have thrown everything i am in into soo many things in the last few years, and honestly, not once have i felt like i have experienced the type of joy or reward i should get from any of them. Somethings i have watched be broken entirely. things have fallen apart. Somethings, there is just simply no reciprocity.

There is only one person left to turn to, and i am learning that that person isnt me. I know, and am trying to truly understand that jesus wants to fill these gaps, he wants to heal what has been sadly broken. I have tried to avoid this for a long time. But now it is time for some one on one time with my father.

Now is a time of healing in my life. I sincerly hope that many things will change as i truly grow in my father. The one who adores me. the one who will never leave.

I would ask that if you have read this, you would pray for me. and stay with me. I am only 18 adn 3/4ths but i have had alot to deal with.

"down those ancient streets, and down those ancient roads, there together ( my father and i) must go, to get the healing done." Van morrison.

I am feeling very hopeful right now, a little weak, a little embarassed, this is the internet, but all in all, safe.

God bless you in your journeys, as he contiunes to do in mine.

Melis

the Rest of Life...I shall not walk alone

this is almost a whole year old!


Tuesday, February 01, 2005
.

I'm not afraid, although many times i hope i am. I wish, because then i would have an excuse to back down, to fall away, to run as fast as my athsmatic heart will allow...but in reality, despite what i do, i feel stronger than ever. Right now, i am at Trent university, thinking about the rest of my life, thinking about what has past, and what lies dormantly ahead...and I know that I shall not walk alone. Sometimes, you just need to exhale, softly and slowly, but with the uttmost passion and strength, and you need to know, know, know, know that God is with you. You need to understand, beyond all of your inhibitions and doubts, THAT YOU SHALL NOT WALK ALONE!!!My walk, will be courageous, not with an absence of fear, but with in the dominant presence of trust...the beautiful sweetness, that you know you long for, the everlasting sigh, the everlasting peace...Thanks for sharing this with me.Melis

Sunday, July 24, 2005
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

It's strange how sometime's you can very easily forget how important some people are in your life. My friends are the greatest people in my life. Sometimes they are my family, sometimes they are my councilors, usually they are my teachers. Tonight, we went to see charlie and the chocolate factory, we dressed up, and ran down the hallways. i played Dance Dance the best i had ever played it. Things will be different next year, because i will have to make new friends, and make new decisions as to what those friends will be like, what they will take part in, what we will laugh about. I have picked quite poorly in the past. I love my friends becuase they love me and that is the best feeling in the world. To be loved, to be validated and to be respected, and to know that you are safe.
I hope that everyone feels this type of strength with their friends.
To all mine, i love you. You Are Sooo Loved!